


A Cracked Candy Cane Carol

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Smallville
Genre: Christmas, Clexmas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 09:13:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3203840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dash of red, a touch of green with a lot of peppermint candy = one semi-drunk Clark who shows Lex his true thoughts about Christmas and his perchance to sing them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cracked Candy Cane Carol

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emry_07universe](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=emry_07universe).



> Clexmas 2014 Gift. -WARNING- Adult language for bad lyric changes to Holiday songs  
> Notes: Prompt: After ingesting Red!K from the candy canes given out at school, Clark realizes just what he really wants for Christmas-Lex (I changed it a bit but hope you still enjoy it)

It was late Christmas Eve and Lex had sent his few staff members home long ago, and was getting ready for bed early, going to read with a bottle of his holiday brandy in hopes of sleeping most of the next day away. Christmas was never much to begin with when he had been a small child, and it became even more empty after his mother died, now it was just another day provided by the universe in which to rub it in, on just what Alexander Joseph Luthor was missing out on and would never have.

Lex had gotten a new history book for himself the other day and had it on his nightstand, his brandy glass half full and the bottle nearby should he choose to have more and had just folded back the covers, when he heard it-something was hitting his balcony window. Lex in his white T-shirt and sleep pants, moved to the window in time to see a large pebble hit the glass and fall to the balcony before him. He opened the lock and carefully moved out to see what or who had thrown the stone only to see Clark Kent of all people, who had tossed another stone and nearly hit Lex in the face. “Hey!” he shouted.

“Finally!” Clark shouted back.

“Clark what are you doing here?” Lex asked, a bit annoyed at being kept from his warm bed and almost stoned in the face. “Shouldn’t you bet at the Christmas Party at the Talon or something?” he shouted down.

“I was, but I got this idea and I had to tell you!” Clark shouted, and from what Lex could see, was chewing on the remains of some type of candy.

“Couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow?” Lex asked.

“No! Now stand back,” Clark said, placed something in his pocket then moved back a few steps and before Lex knew what was happening, Clark took a running start and jumped up toward his balcony, and just caught the lower portion of the balcony wall.

“Clark!” Lex called out in concern.

“I’m okay,” Clark laughed, as he pulled himself up the rest of the way. “I’m usually much better at this,” he joked, then tumbled off the ledge onto the ground in front of Lex and looked up at him with a goofy look. “Hey!”

Lex was astonished and couldn’t believe his eyes. “Are you drunk?” he asked, for he couldn’t think of any other reason Clark would be acting like this.

“Nope, don’t drink, not legal yet,” Clark replied and then giggled. He then pulled out the candy he had been munching on and Lex could see it was a large candy cane, or the remains of one that was red, white and a thin strip of green. “All I had at the party was this…it’s better than…” Clark didn’t finish just took an actual bite from it, and crunched it down with a huge smile upon his face.

“Perhaps I should call your folks,” Lex said and started to turn.

“No!” Clark gasped and got to his feet. “I can’t go home yet!”

Lex sighed; he knew he’d regret asking. “Why not?”

“Because I came here to share my idea with you,” Clark replied, like it was the most logical thing in the universe.

“And just what idea is that?” Lex asked edging closer to his room for a bit of heat as it was starting to snow again.

Clark looked at Lex and seemed to glow he smiled so brightly. “A Clexmas Carol!” he announced proudly.

“A what?”

“A Clexmas Carol, instead of a Christmas Carol, or about Christmas it’s about you and me,” Clark explained, again sounding as if this should make perfect sense.

“I think I really should call your folks,” Lex replied.

“Leeeeeexxxxx,” Clark whined, looking like a kicked puppy.

“Clark, it’s late, it’s snowing and I’m cold…” Lex began.

“Okay, then just the last verse,” Clark said, smiling once again with joy.

“This thing has verses?” Lex asked, but Clark was not listening as he shifted down to his knees, opened his arms and began to sing -

_On the Twelfth day of Christmas my true love Lex gave to me:_

_12 Bouts of Lex drumming it into me_

_11 Inches of people piping_

_10 Leapings of Lex into my lap_

_9 Hours of sexy-Lexy Dancing_

_8 Times of Lex milking my-_

(CLARK!)

_7 Laps of my sexy-Lexy swimming naked_

_6 days of Clark getting laid_

_5 Karate golden engagement riiiiiiiinnnnnngggggg_

(CLARK!)

_4 Phone calls_

_3 Three French kisses_

_2 Confessions of love and_

_a Lex in a pair of hot pants!_

“Tada!” Clark said with pride and beaming his huge smile up at Lex, arms open wide as if expecting something from him. When Lex just continued to stare at him, he lowered his arms, his smile faded for a moment. “What about this one?”

_Jingle balls, Jingle balls, Jingling Lex’s balls. Oh what fun it would be for me, to Jingle Lex’s balls!_

There was still no reaction from Lex, as he just continued to stare as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing and hearing, so Clark nodded to himself. “Okay…um, oh, I’ve got the perfect one,” he said with a purr.

_Lexy baby, just slip yourself under the tree for me; Been an awful good boy, Lexy baby So hurry down my chimney tonight_

_Lexy baby, every inch of you will do I'll wait up for you dear, Lexy baby So hurry down my chimney tonight_

_Think of all the fun I've missed Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed Next year I could be just as good... if you'd check off my Christmas list_

“Enough, Clark,” Lex said. Though Lex had learned long ago to keep from blushing, especially since he’d seen and done so much when he was a youth, but this pushed passed that barrier and he could feel his cheeks heat up. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and heard, his straight lace farm boy singing…that! Without further thought he turned around and rushed into his room and grabbed his brandy and gulped it down, hoping that this was some kind of delusion or dream…he wasn’t sure which he wanted it to be.

“Lex?” Clark asked from behind him.

Lex turned and there was Clark, looking as beautiful as always, his lips a darker red from the Candy Cane he’d been eating, over 95% of it now gone, and Clark looking as if he was unsure if he did something wrong or not.

Lex placed his glass down and turned to face Clark, taking a fortifying breath. “That was all…very original,” he said, trying to not hurt his friend, who sang out such lyrics in this odd stupor, Lex’s deepest desires…well, not dressing in hot pants, but still. “I think…” Lex was silenced by having Clark’s lips pressed upon his own and in moments, Lex forgot what he was going to say as the kiss deepened, and Lex felt his body responding, when his brain reengaged enough to recall Clark was not himself. He used a great deal of strength, but he finally was able to break the kiss, “No, I won’t take advantage,” he said more to himself then Clark.

“Lex,” Clark purred. “It’s not taking advantage…”

This time Lex was able to break Clark’s grip and push himself away. “It is. You’re not acting like yourself and in my book, doing…anything, is taking advantage, and I’m not like that!” Lex snapped back.

“I want this, I want you,” Clark said urgently, once more trying to get Lex to kiss him, but Lex side-stepped him.

“Go home, Clark,” Lex said with resigned resolve.

“Lex, please, I’ve…”

“Clark…go home.”

“Can’t we talk about it?” Clark grinned, his eyes not as bright as they had been not so long ago.

“I’ll tell you what. If by tomorrow you are back to being yourself and can look me in the eye and tell me this is what you really want…then yes, we can talk about it. Otherwise, we’ll…” Lex rubbed his head, feeling confused and frustrated. “Otherwise, we’ll just pretend this didn’t happen, okay?”

“Lex…”

“Okay?” Lex asked, his voice urging Clark to agree, for he knew if Clark pushed it, he’d give in and then both would regret things and he’d lose Clark from his life forever.

Clark pouted but nodded his head. Then he cheered up after a moment and grinned once more from ear-to-ear. “Okay, this way I can open my present on Christmas day,” he replied and moved to the balcony doors. “Dress in something sexy, my Lexy, festive colors preferred,” Clark added, and then with a shout of joy, he leaped off the balcony.

“Clark!” Lex said, running out to see if Clark was alright, but by the time Lex got there, he was already by the gate singing another twisted song on the top of his lungs.

_Deck Lex’s balls with bows and jelly – Fa la la la la la la la!_

“Great,” Lex muttered. “If Martha or Jonathon hear that I’ll be lucky to not to be _Lex got ran over by a tractor_ ,” Lex finished and turned to go back to his room and pour himself another drink, thinking perhaps staying up any longer to read was not a good idea after all.

****

The next morning, Lex woke up and wondered if he should change his holiday routine since last night’s dream felt way too vivid. He got up and pulled on his robe and walked to his balcony window and peered outside and blinked…blinked again and opened the door so he could step out to see if what he had been looking out was real…it was.

There on the ground in plain view were two snowmen, one with a red flannel scarf the other with a purple scarf; what made him gape was the placement of the carrot on the one with the flannel…it was not being used as a nose as like the purple snowman, but as a…a..Lex couldn’t even think it. The sight of a happily aroused snowman made him laugh and he knew then that Clark had comeback last night to make them, for it could only be Clark Kent who would do such a thing after his lyrics and it also gave Lex a bit of hope. After a moment, Lex realized this could be seen from the road and even though he found it funny, he knew he couldn’t let it remain so…un-kid friendly, so hurried back in and got dressed.

A pair of boots Martha Kent got him last year, a pair of jeans Clark had gotten him and his own coat and some gloves over his long sleeved lavender sweater, Lex headed out and looked around to be sure no one would see him grabbing the inappropriate carrot and place it where it belonged…as a nose. A quick fix, and Lex stepped back and got inspired; he’d never made a snow man, seen it done hundreds of times as a child, but never allowed to play or join and felt that this was one experience he was no longer going to pass up. So he bent down and started to gather some snow and got to work.

Lex didn’t know how much time passed, but he had gathered a few extra scarves and stuff for the face, even found a couple of hats. He was putting on the last fixes when he heard the snow crunch behind him and turned to see Clark standing there grinning ear-to-ear. “What? They’re not that bad,” Lex replied.

“For snowmen, yes, yes they are, but for snow-elves, not a bit,” Clark chuckled.

“They’re not elves, they’re…kids…easier on my back,” Lex corrected all proper like, then broke down and chuckled himself. “Okay, okay, they’re horrid, but I’ve never made one before; seemed a lot easier when I watched the others do it when a kid.”

Clark looked agape, “You never built a snowman?”

Lex just turned away and shook his head no. Then he shrugged, “You know how things were for me.”

“Well, let’s fix that right now,” Clark insisted, and then showed Lex the right way to build a snowman. By the time they were done it was a snowman and snowwoman making one large snow-family portrait.

“Hot chocolate?” Lex suggested, his breath panting out smoke from the excursion.

“Heck, yeah,” Clark grinned grabbed his backpack and followed Lex around to the kitchen exit, which Lex had left open after making the run for a mop head for a wig and someone’s large hat from a closet and the other necessities for their creations.

“Head to the study, its warmer there then here,” Lex suggested as he got the mugs down to make their drinks; one of the things he was determined to learn was how to make himself an excellent cup of hot chocolate-alcohol free, shortly after he arrived in Smallville. It took him a few minutes to gather the ingredients and put them together, taking his time since he didn’t do it as often as he probably should. Once he was happy with the results, he placed the mugs on a tray along with some holiday cookies; Cook had made him before she left for the holiday vacation Lex gave his staff every year as a gift, and headed to the study.

Lex spotted Clark fiddling with the tiny Christmas tree Lex allowed one of the staff to place up before they too departed for the rest of the holiday season. “Sorry it took so long,” Lex apologized, for it probably was much longer than he realized.

“Oh, no problem,” Clark smiled, but Lex could see there was some hesitation in his eyes and Lex couldn’t help but feel a tad disappointed; yet he promised to carry on as if nothing happened and he would keep his word. “Cook made cookies before she left, thought it would go with the drinks.”

“Awesome,” Clark beamed, pleased with the distraction it seemed.

Lex had just placed the tray on the coffee table when he turned and there was Clark holding out a gift box at him. “Clark?”

“I hope you like it,” Clark said, looking a bit nervous.

“I’m sure I will,” Lex grinned, not letting Clark know this was the only gift he got this year; outside those that were ‘kiss-up’ gifts, which meant nothing to him and he usually found someone in need and gave it over to them if he could. He slowly opened the wrapping, knowing he was making Clark more anxious by going so slow. After Clark made a tiny whimper, Lex chuckled, “Okay, okay,” he said and ripped the paper off and was gladdened by the huge smile Clark gave him. He then opened the box and gaped.

“Mom helped me find it,” Clark said, fiddling with his fingers as he watched Lex stare at the contents of the box.

“I…” he beamed. “Purple flannel? I didn’t think they made such a thing?”

“Oh, yes, Mom, said they have all kinds of colors, you just have to order it special, so, um…do you like it?”

Lex didn’t hesitate, he pulled the flannel shirt from the box and put it on and kind of modeled it for Clark, “how does it look?”

Clark laughed. “Like a Kent,” he said warmly.

Lex turned and grabbed his mug, hoping to hide his expression upon such thoughts. He knew in his heart he wanted to be part of the Kent’s, but didn’t really believe such things possible anymore. “Thank you,” he said after a moment, when he got himself back under control. He sipped his drink, again pleased with how it turned out. “Here,” he said handing Clark his.

Clark took his but then placed it back down on the tray. “Um…Lex…about last night…?”

“Lex put his own mug down as well and his hands went straight for his pockets. “It’s okay, Clark I said we could just pretend…” He never got to finish his statement as Clark locked a kiss upon him. Lex froze for a few seconds, then his brain melted like the marshmallows in the chocolate and he couldn’t help but respond in return.

“Wow!” Clark said once he broke the kiss allowing both to catch their breath. “I’ve wanted that for ages,” he beamed.

Lex was still trying to gather his remaining living brain cells. “Years?”

Clark blushed but shook his head yes. “Yeah, I’m just sorry it took…last night’s disaster to push me to taking a chance; just I never thought you might be interested in someone like…”

Lex never liked Clark putting himself down and so nipped it in the bud by kissing him senseless once more. After a few minutes, he pulled back and met Clark’s gaze with a huge grin upon his own face. “You sure?” he found himself asking, not able to entertain the doubts that were trying to find a foothold in his heart.

Clark laughed, “Oh yes, it’s my special Christmas wish…well along with all the other twelve days of Christmas.” Clark blushed but his eye gleamed with desire and mischief.

Lex laughed. “I think most of it can be arranged,” he leered.

“Only most?” Clark challenged.

“Clark, I don’t do hotpants.”

Clark chuckled, “Lex, any pants you wear are hot.” Clark then kissed him silent, groping Lex a bit causing him to moan in delight.

“Perhaps we can finish this upstairs?” Lex asked, his face flushed.

“I’d love to…but, we can’t,” Clark said, looking a bit disappointed.

“I understand,” Lex said about to push away.

“I don’t think you do,” Clark said, seeing Lex pull away in more than one way. “Mom and Dad are expecting us for Christmas dinner.

“Dinner? Us?” Lex asked confused.

Clark beamed. “I was hedging my bet and told Mom what I wanted this year for Christmas.”

Lex looked a gasp, “You didn’t!”

Clark blinked then blushed “Not that, no! I told her I wanted to ask you to be my boyfriend this year.”

“Oh,” Lex chuckled, relieved. Then he got serious. “Wait, you told them you wanted me…and they were okay with that?”

“Mom said it was about time,” Clark grinned, and then it slipped a bit. “Dad snarled that if I had to be gay couldn’t I pick someone else…don’t worry, me and mom set him straight; there is no one better for me than you…I mean…” Clark was looking bashful as he realized what he had said.

Lex hugged him tightly. “I feel the same way,” he whispered in Clark’s ear. Then he pulled back, “If they’re expecting us, we should get going.”

“Sounds good,” Clark replied as he turned to get his own flannel jacket as Lex gathered his coat and key. “Oh, before we go just one thing?”

“What’s that?” Lex asked, as he saw Clark saunter up to him with a leer in his eyes.

“When we get back, can we sing Clexmas Carols?” he teased.

Lex felt his face flush a bit. “How about we act them out instead?”

“Deal!” Clark replied instantly and began to sing as they left.

_It's beginning to look a lot like_ Clexmas _Ev'rywhere you go; Take a look in the barn after ten, and parts will be glistening once again With candy canes flavored lube and silver condoms that glow. It's beginning to look a lot like_ Clexmas _,_ _Toys in ev'ry hole, But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be On your own giant pole._

“Save it for later,” Lex grinned, kissing Clark silent; this was the best Christmas ever!

THE END (Merry Christmas & Clexmas)

**Note: Songs used:** _Twelve-Days of Christmas, Jingle Bells, Santa Baby, Deck the Halls, Grandma got run over by a Reindeer, and It's Beginning to look a Lot like Christmas_

 

 


End file.
